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Disclaimer
The members of the Coralville Public
Library Teen Writer's Workshop, hereafter known as The Writers, take no
responsibility for any physical harm caused as a result of viewing this
website, known as the Leaky Pen, hereafter referred to as The Site.
Furthermore, The Writers hereby disclaim all culpability for any such harm
that fails to occur due to The Site if and only if the lack of such harm
is detrimental to the viewer of The Site, hereafter known as the Viewer.
This harm includes eyestrain, backstrain, handstrain, wriststrain,
elbowstrain, armpitstrain, legstrain, and any and all other forms of
strain. {Again, if the lack of strain, caused directly or indirectly by
The Site, is detrimental in any way shape or form to the Viewer, The
Writers have no liability, and thus cannot be held accountable.} Other
forms of possible side effects include nausea; laughter; nauseous
laughter; gas; gaseous laughter; gaseous nausea; gaseous nauseous
laughter; any type of viral or bacterial infection or disease; {involving
gas, nausea, laughter or not} sleep deprivation; excessive drowsiness;
hyperactivity;
a- near- comatose- state- resulting- from- falling- over- on- the- floor- while- drinking- diet- root- beer;
constipation; diarrhea; the common cold; the not-so-common cold; the flu;
a nerve gas attack; the amputation of any or all of The Viewer's limbs,
toes, fingers, or head; the invasion of The Viewer's town, city, village,
home, residence, mud-brick hut, apartment building, state, country, planet
or galaxy by any sort of giant weasel; gaseous nauseous laughing
constipated drowsy amputation; forced consumption of any sort of ambiguous
“meat” product; brain damage; loss of inhibitions in the gastro-intestinal
tract; fever; psychosis; insomnia, lethargy; excessive sanity; spontaneous
combustion or death.
Furthermore, The Writers also disclaim all responsibility for any mental
harm caused as a result of viewing The Site, including but not limited to:
depression; anxiety; blackouts; impaired coordination;
sudden- tendencies- to- charge- screaming- at- your- neighbors- with- a-l arge- battleaxe- bellowing- Viking-
war- cries- and- trying- to- cut- their- kneecaps- off;
{we also disclaim any responsibility for the amputation of said kneecaps}
loss of consciousness; unfortunate premature regaining of consciousness;
sudden- tendencies- to- be- charged- at- by- your- screaming- neighbors- with- large- battleaxes- while- they- bellow- Viking- war-
cries- and- try- to- cut- your- kneecaps- off;
insecurity; an overinflated ego; nagging feelings of either inferiority or
superiority; excessive happiness, excessive truculence; a
sudden-desire-to-disassemble or a sudden-desire-to-dissemble; any sort of
mental illness; a great many unspeakable things; paranoia; psychosis and
death.
Even furthermore, wonderful as it may be, there are a great many things
that The Site is not. The Writers would like to state that The Site is NOT
a flotation device; nor is it a fire extinguisher; or an emergency hotline
to the Kremlin. Also, The Site is not a hand grenade; a toaster; {or any
sort of kitchen appliance for that matter} a fish; a towel; a
sledgehammer; any sort of alcoholic beverage or The Prime Minister of
England.
Also, the Prime Minister of England is not affiliated with The Site or The
Writers in any way at all. Nor in fact, is anyone at all who is involved
in any way with the government of England or any other European country.
Furtherfurthermore, The Writers would like to disclaim any fault, blame,
liability, culpability, or responsibility for any offense caused by The
Site. Any Viewers offended by words, for example, are advised to find
another Site. Additionally, any Viewers offended by humor should get the
hell out now.
Furtherfurtherfurthermore, if The Site is a complete waste of a great deal
of your time, The Writers reserve the right to say to you, “Tough Noogie.”
Furtherfurtherfurtherfurthermore, any legal action of any sort will be
dealt with most harshly by our specially trained team of iguanas.
Furtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurthermore, The Writers take no
responsibility for any content of this site found to be apocryphal, wildly
inaccurate, truculent, or devoid of any factual content, especially if
this causes any sort of harm to The Viewer, especially if this harm is of
a nature for which The Writers have already disclaimed responsibility for
above.
Furtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurthermore, any similarity between any
content of The Site and any persons living or dead is purely coincidental,
or at least strictly in the mind of The Writers, or the mind of The
Viewer, or perhaps a subtle political joke, or even a not-so-subtle joke.
In fact, any similarity between anything on The Site and anything not on
The Site is most likely intentional and meant to be amusing, and if The
Viewer finds it offensive, he or she is invited to read the earlier
portions of this disclaimer.
Furtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurthermore, The Writers take no
responsibility for any harm that may come about as a result of reading
this disclaimer, including but not limited to: a plague of rabid weasels;
the placing of crop circles in the fields of The Viewer; anything that has
already been disclaimed, anything that hasn't as well; or death.
Furtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurthermore, all content
on The Site is the intellectual property of its originator, most often one
of The Writers, except for the team of specially trained iguanas, who are
the property of themselves.
Furtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurthermore, any
complaints regarding the content of The Site or The Writers should be sent
by e-mail to thecomplaintsdepartment@gmail.com.
Furtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurtherfurthermore,
The Writers do in fact take responsibility for any and all beneficial
and/or good things or events that come about as a result of viewing The
Site.
Thank you, and enjoy The Leaky Pen.
10.2005 |
